This anonymous quote states, “Peace is not when everyone agrees. It’s when we can respect our disagreements and still play in the sandbox together.” Few people enjoy conflict, and it takes a little work to understand how to handle it well, especially if you’re trying not to be triggered in recovery. Just like other essential skills, such as building resilience or learning how to say no, developing conflict resolution abilities help your overall well-being.
Is Conflict Always Bad?
Simply put, conflict is going to happen in life, whether you want it to or not. Maybe you have a different political view than your family members. Or your boss is passing down some critique you don’t agree with or think is unfair. For some people, the misuse of alcohol or drugs is a coping mechanism for avoiding conflict. This could be:
- A reaction to adverse childhood experiences.
- An extension of a “people pleaser” personality characteristic.
Other people might have an anger management issue made worse by substances, which creates more conflict, even if that’s not the intention.
More often than not, conflict happens within interpersonal relationships. The organization love is respect states that “conflict exists in all relationships. By conflict, we specifically mean verbal disagreements and arguments. People disagree sometimes, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing—you have the right to have a different opinion from your partner(s).”
However, it’s critical to understand the difference between common discord and abuse. The organization also points out that while conflict is normal, arguments between people shouldn’t turn into “personal attacks or efforts to lower the other’s self-esteem. If you can’t express yourself without fear of retaliation, you may be experiencing abuse.”
Why Should You Know How to Deal With Conflict?
You might have already talked with your aftercare therapist or members of a support group about why it helps your sobriety to handle conflict well, but here are a few important points.
- Better management of emotional triggers. Conflict often leads to emotional stress, which can be a major catalyst for relapse. Positive conflict resolution helps you navigate difficult feelings like anger, frustration, or sadness in healthy ways and build emotional resilience.
- Improved relationships. Addiction often damages personal relationships, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and distrust. Being able to communicate openly and resolve disagreements peacefully is crucial for repairing and strengthening these connections.
- Enhanced communication and trust. Recovery involves rebuilding trust with family, friends, and others. When individuals can express their feelings and needs without aggression or avoidance, it fosters mutual respect and a supportive environment, which is necessary for long-term recovery.
- Relapse prevention. As mentioned above, some people might try to avoid conflict with substances. A more effective method is to learn to resolve conflicts constructively and develop skills to maintain composure.
- Better self-awareness and accountability. In recovery, you’re encouraged to reflect on your behaviors, including how you deal with conflict. This often means understanding your role in a disagreement and taking responsibility for your actions. This promotes accountability—a critical part of recovery—to own mistakes, learn from them, and make amends.
5 Positive Approaches to Conflict Resolution
Here are five important skills to help you manage disagreements constructively.
1. Active Listening
This technique involves fully focusing on the speaker, understanding their perspective, and responding thoughtfully. Active listening ensures that both parties feel heard and respected. It reduces misunderstandings and helps prevent escalation by acknowledging the other person’s concerns without immediately jumping to conclusions or reacting defensively.
2. Empathy
You may have heard before that when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their emotions and viewpoint, it’s easier to reduce conflict. Empathy helps de-escalate tension and promotes mutual respect. This creates a more supportive environment for resolution.
3. Clear and Non-Aggressive Communication
Expressing feelings and needs clearly, without blaming or attacking, is essential for resolving conflict positively. Using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel upset when…”) rather than accusatory “You” statements (e.g., “You always…”) helps reduce defensiveness and promotes constructive dialogue. This type of communication fosters openness and trust in the conversation.
4. Problem-Solving Orientation
It’s hard not to dwell on who’s right or wrong, especially if you feel you’re right! However, if you allow space to focus on finding a compromise or solution that benefits both parties, you might discover more cooperation and a positive outcome, rather than letting the conflict linger.
5. Emotional Regulation
Managing emotions like anger, frustration, or anxiety during conflict is vital for staying calm and thinking clearly. By remaining composed and using techniques like deep breathing or taking a break when necessary, you can approach the situation with clarity and patience.
Find more tips for conflict resolution from HelpGuide.org.
Willingway: Your Source for Recovery Success
Whether in our well-researched blog posts or at one of our continuing care community groups throughout the Southeast, you can count on Willingway to provide you with education, guidance, and support to reinforce your recovery. The board-certified professionals at our Georgia and Florida addiction rehabilitation locations want to provide you with every advantage to choose a healthy life. If this is the type of professional care you or a loved one needs, talk with one of our admissions team today.