Making amends is a cornerstone of the recovery process in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA). Rooted in these 12-Step programs, Steps 8 and 9 specifically address the need for individuals in recovery to acknowledge the harm their addiction caused others and to take responsible action to repair that harm where possible. Making amends is not only a pathway to healing damaged relationships but also a vital part of personal growth and sustained sobriety.
What Does It Mean to “Make Amends”?
The official definition, according to Merriam-Webster, is to “do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” Making amends has deep roots in both religious and psychological traditions, reflecting a universal human need for reconciliation and healing.
For example, in many religious teachings—from Christianity’s emphasis on repentance and forgiveness to Buddhism’s focus on right action and restoring harmony—making amends is seen as a vital step toward spiritual growth and moral integrity. Psychologically, the concept gained prominence in the 20th century as therapists recognized the power of taking responsibility and repairing relationships to heal emotional wounds and reduce guilt.
This convergence of spiritual and psychological insights laid the groundwork for recovery programs like AA, where making amends is both a spiritual practice and a therapeutic tool that fosters lasting change.
The spirit of making amends is grounded in personal accountability, humility, and spiritual growth. It encourages individuals to confront the past honestly, take responsibility without excuses or blame, and demonstrate a genuine commitment to change.
Understanding Making Amends in AA and NA
In AA and NA literature, making amends involves two key steps:
- Step 8: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
- Step 9: “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
These steps emphasize a willingness and readiness to face past wrongdoings and actively work to correct them without causing further harm. AA and NA note that amends take various forms:
- Direct, such as detailed, personal apologies.
- Indirect, which might be a form of restitution or service when direct contact is harmful.
- Living amends, often defined as a means of living in a way that reflects personal change and integrity.
Importantly, AA and NA stress making amends without attachment to the outcome. This means that, as someone in recovery, you shouldn’t expect forgiveness or reconciliation. Your role is to do what you can to repair harm and then let go of any control over the response. This detachment helps protect your sobriety by focusing on personal responsibility rather than external validation.
Furthermore, safety and discretion are paramount. If direct amends would cause further harm— emotionally, physically, or otherwise—indirect amends or living amends are the recommended approach. The goal is always to repair without re-traumatizing or enabling further damage.
Can you follow these guidelines even if you’re not a religious person or participate in another type of mutual aid support program, such as SMART Recovery? Absolutely.
The Lasting Benefits
Understanding how making amends supports the healing journey reveals why this often-challenging step is so essential to lasting sobriety and personal growth.
Here are the primary advantages to you:
- Emotional relief and freedom. This process helps lift the weight of guilt and shame that can hinder recovery. By acknowledging past mistakes and making things right where possible, you reduce inner conflict and promote emotional healing.
- Moral growth. Choosing to make amends requires humility and courage—two qualities essential for spiritual development. Even if you don’t follow a particular doctrine, you’ll likely better connect to your values and develop a stronger sense of integrity, a foundation for maintaining recovery.
- Rebuilding self-respect. Taking responsibility and actively working to repair harm strengthens self-esteem and empowers you to continue your recovery journey with confidence.
- Reducing the risk of relapse. Unresolved guilt and broken relationships often wreak havoc on your best efforts to move forward in life. But you can prevent relapse by promoting emotional closure and healthier social connections.
Conflict resolution is never an easy process. However, recognizing the positive effects on those who were hurt highlights the wider impact of amends beyond yourself, which fosters opportunities for healing and restored dignity. Consider how this process helps others:
- Validation of pain and hurt. When you take responsibility and make amends, it can bring comfort to people harmed. Acknowledging past wrongs honestly demonstrates respect and care, which can aid healing.
- Foundation for reconciliation. While forgiveness is a personal choice, amends can be the first step in rebuilding trust and possibly restoring relationships over time.
- Protection against further harm. The emphasis on making amends “except when to do so would injure them or others” ensures the process respects the boundaries and well-being of those affected.
Again, you can choose direct, indirect, or living amends. However, keep in mind that the direct approach should be sincere. Avoid defensiveness or justification, and listen respectfully to the other person’s feelings. In all methods, be sure of your purpose, and seek progress in your new life.
Find More Guidance From Willingway
At Willingway’s Georgia and Florida addiction rehabilitation locations, we have encouraging aftercare specialists and alumni to help you navigate recovery successfully. We also have numerous continuing care community groups that give you an opportunity to hear how others have made amends and receive guidance for your next steps. Whether you’ve been in recovery for a while or are just considering treatment, Willingway is ready to help. Our admissions team can tell you more.